Preschool: The Honeymoon is Over

Yesterday, for the first time since she started preschool one week ago, M stated that she did not want to go. Needless to say, both K and I were a bit taken aback by this. Last week, she raved about preschool. Couldn't wait to get there. And in spite of a few setbacks (one pee accident, three missed naps, and a few uneaten lunches) she seemed pretty happy with things. But suddenly, today, all of that appeared to change.

M: Mommy, my not want to go to preschool today.
Me: Hmmmm. Why not?
M: My just not want to go.
Me: [exchanging glances with K] Ok. Well can you tell me why? Last week you really seemed to like it there.
M: My not like the kitchen lady.
Me: Who?
M: The kitchen lady. My not like her.
Me: Um. Ok. Do you know her name?
M: [Silence]
Me: [changing tactics] Let's think about what fun things you are going to do today at preschool. Do you think you'll paint today?
M: My not going.

Uh-oh.

Let me back up a bit. The "kitchen lady" is, I suspect, the teacher who is currently overseeing the Math, Science, and Nutrition area of the school. In a nutshell, each teacher rotates with her group through the various areas of the school over a period of a few weeks. M only really interacts with the kitchen lady during lunchtime because the kids eat in the area that she currently oversees. I've seen this gal before...in fact, she was the one who gave me the original tour of the place (and she did a fantastic job too). She seems harmless enough...maybe a bit louder than M's regular teacher but certainly not mean to the kids. In fact, she's been with the daycare since it opened nine years ago.

But maybe she's only nice when the parents are around. What if all the teachers turn into raging beyotches as soon as the mommies and daddies leave? What if they've got some sort of secret cabal going on? A mini-sweatshop where the kids are forced to glue the soles on hundreds of athletic shoes and threatened with torture if they dare breath a word about it? Hmmm.

So I probe a bit further.

Me: M, does the Kitchen Lady scare you?
M: No.
Me: Well, has she done something to someone else that you didn't like?
M: No.
Me [perplexed]: Then why don't you like her?
[long silence]
M [suddenly bursts into tears]: My not WANT to GO!!! My not like naptime.
Me [oh dear]: Well let's talk about this.

After a few minutes spent chatting about naps, why she at least needs to rest even if she can't sleep, how she misses me at naptime and wants to come home, etc....I begin to think we've come to an understanding. M has calmed down and appears to be looking forward to going....

...only to turn into a quivering mass of fear when I bring her to preschool and start the good-bye process. It took me 15 long minutes before I could flee and sadly, I left a sobbing little girl behind me.

Enter separation anxiety and deep parental guilt, exit happy mornings. Damn.

If you've never dealt with it before, separation anxiety can be a nasty mo-fo. It's often incredibly sneaky and rears it's ugly head when you least expect it. And once it starts, it can be VERY challenging for parent and child to overcome. I knew M's behavior last week was too good to be true. Last week it was all new and exciting. But now, the reality of the situation has begun to sink in. She's not going back to daycare. She won't see her old friends every day. There are new rules she has to pay attention to...and more kids to contend with.

When I got home after dropping her off, I immediately went online to see if I could find some advice on how to manage through this whole thing. Based on what I read, I more or less completely botched things up. I stayed far too long when I really should have kept our goodbye brief and cheerful. I didn't leave her with a comfort item (although in my defense, I did try to find a family photo but wasn't able to). And K and I hadn't spent much time talking to her about the--seemingly obvious--fact that when we drop her off, we most certainly have every intention of coming back to get her.

Thankfully, I happen to have a secret weapon in our hall closet. See...every once in a great while (I say this in case K happens to be reading this post) I will purchase a little something or other for the kids that strikes my fancy. Usually it's a book. Most recently, I picked up this book at Amazon. We have the first two books by this author and M really seems to enjoy the little lama and his travails. As it just so happens, this latest book is all about coping with going to a new preschool and separation anxiety. And as luck would have it, M always responds well to stories about whatever issue she's currently dealing with (fears, emotions, potty training, independence, etc).

So we read the story at bedtime and then talked about it. Then this morning, at the first sign of tears during her drop-off, I reminded her of the story and how it turned out ok for the little lama. She wasn't thrilled when I left...but she did hold it together reasonably well and when I peeked back in the window to see how she was coping, she'd already moved on to do some easel painting with her teacher.

Hurray! Or I suppose I should say, hurray for today. God knows how next week's going to go.