Book Review: NutureShock

I got a Kindle as an early Christmas present this year. K must have been reading my mind again because I'd been pondering picking one up for myself for the past few months. I really love it....however I notice that it's very easy to spend a lot of money on books as a result. Yeah, the books are discounted since they are in digital-only format...but money is money and when you read at my pace, it adds up. (Lest you think I'm boasting about my speed-reading ability...consider this: I'd probably read a whole lot less if I had a life of some sort).

So anyway, one of the first five books I downloaded (uploaded?) was NutureShock by Po Bronson. I'd heard Bronson interviewed on NPR over the summer and decided to add his book to my Wishlist on Amazon. As you are by now well aware, I am addicted to parenting books. In fact, from here on out I will no longer mention this as it's plainly obvious to anyone who reads this blog. But back to the book. I dove in last night and was unable to put it down until I finished it this afternoon.

How to summarize? Well first of all, if you are of a more scientific bent and are really interested in what makes kids tick, this book will be right up your alley. For those of you familiar with Freakonomics or The Tipping Point, you'll immediately see that this book fits quite well into that genre (whatever it is). The book is heavy on facts, data, fascinating insights that will make you cringe or go "aha!" or both. It is, however, low on depth or soul searching angst. But that's ok. Because this isn't that sort of book. It's not a parenting manual...although it has aspects of that. It's also not a pure scientific study on child development...although it has aspects of that too.

In a nutshell...if you ever wondered why kids do the things they do and whether or not your strategies as a parent are helping of hindering their development, then you must run out now and pick up this book. A few topics found within: Why do children lie and what's the best way to make them stop (or encourage them to continue)? What's the best way to deal with race when it comes to preschoolers...ignore it or explicitly talk about it? Sibling rivalry: why does it happen and are there things you can do to minimize it? What does constant, non-specific praise really do to a child's self-confidence, resilience, and ability to learn? Can you spot a "genius" child at a young age based purely on IQ tests and if not, why are schools still using this method to tests kids as young as four for gifted and talented programs?

There's tons more....but I'll leave it up to you to explore.

What the Hell is Steampunk?

Ever heard of steampunk? As of yesterday, neither had I. But while you may not have heard the term before, you are likely very familiar with the genre. If you've ever read a book (or seen a movie based on a book) by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, or, I would argue, Lewis Carrol--then you have a good idea what steampunk is all about. In fact, the three authors mentioned above could be considered the "forefathers" of the steampunk movement (although the term itself didn't come into being until the early 1980s). I think it's safe to say steampunk is sci-fi for those of you who hate sci-fi. Not making much sense? Read on!

To steal directly from Wikipedia (because it sums the whole steampunk thing up a lot more succintly than I might), steampunk is a subgenre of fantasy and speculative fiction that denotes works set in an era or world where steam power is widely used, as opposed to electricity. The setting is typically during the 19th century, frequently smack in the middle of Victorian Era England, but featuring prominent elements of science fiction and/or fantasy with lots of real and/or imagined technological inventions. Sometimes the stories are also set in an "alternate history" universe in which technology evolves faster or slower or just differently than it has here (with computers showing up in the late 1800s, etc).

Imagine my surprise when, after stumbling across the term yesterday, it dawned on me that I'd been reading and gravitating towards steampunk books for years without having a clue it was a genre unto itself. I like to think I'm pretty hip...even though I don't get out much. But this whole thing caught me totally by surprise.

If the whole idea of steampunk sounds lame...or just not up your alley, consider the fact that the genre is very malleable and includes a lot of fiction that the hardcore steampunk crowd might poo-poo. If you like history, fantasy, a little sci-fi (but of the retro sort), and even romance...you may very well find something to like in the steampunk genre. Below is a brief listing of some of my very favorite steampunk books and movies. Oh, and for a more in-depth list, check out author Gail Carriger's website. And if you have some time to kill, do a Google image search on steampunk and check out some of the funky clothes and pseudo-technology.

Steampunk for Kids

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman - Best for older children or very mature younger children. An excellent intro for kids into the whole steampunk universe. Wonderful books as well...but for those of you who care, Pullman is a self-proclaimed atheist and some feel this bleeds over into his stories. I'm no atheist and I loved the books. Make of it what you will.
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events - PURE steampunk and loads of fun for the younger set. Kids from ages 5 to 10 will love these books.
Howell's Moving Castle - Lovely anime film, perfect for younger kids. By acclaimed animator and director Hayao Miyazaki (he did Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke).
Castle in the Sky - Also by Hayao Miyazaki

Steampunk for Teens and Grownups

Souless: The Parasol Protectorate by Gail Carriger - Victorian Era England, light, frothy, funny, romance, vampires, werewolves, and lots of other nasties (oh, and parasols too). Great place to start if you are just dipping your toes into steampunk.
Glass Book of the Dream Eaters, Volume One by Gordon Dahlquist - Victorian Era England, huge book, a NASTY set of baddies, very well fleshed out characters with flaws, detailed and intense read but so worth sinking your teeth into, tons of action with a kickass female protaganist.
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman - Modern-day London and Victorian-ish alternate universe "below London", incredibly well written, nasty, nasty baddies, some romance, lots of action. One of my favorites.
Anno Dracula by Kim Newman - My very first steampunk book..although hadn't a clue about that until yesterday. As the name suggests, vampires and other nasties, Victorian England, very interesting story line and a fun read.
The Prestige by Christopher Priest - Many of you probably saw the movie starring yummy actors Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman. But first it was an excellent book.
The City of Lost Children - A visually stunning, and somewhat unsettling, film (for those who hate subtitles or dubbing, be warned...this is a French film). Not suitable for kids.
Edward Scissorhands - No, it doesn't take place during the Victorian Era but it's Victorian-style and anachronistic technology makes it a shoe-in for steampunk. Actually, it's safe to say that a number of Tim Burton's films have elements of steampunk in them including the post-production Alice in Wonderland.

In Support of Honey

The more I explore all things holistic, the more I am becoming aware of how many common foods and plants have hidden benefits and alternate uses that most of us these days are totally unaware of. Fact is, when getting relief from a headache or buying cleaning supplies or stocking up on skin and hair cleansers is as simple as a quick trip to the local Target, very few of us have ever been in a position to look to our kitchens or gardens for a quick fix.

Recently someone asked me what one item I thought was the most versatile. Truth is, there are many, many food items and plants that can be used for multiple purposes. So it was hard for me to narrow it down to just one. But I decided to look for something that EVERY household has...even if you might not always use it. And honey was the first thing that came to mind.

Honey isn't just a sweetener, although it's a great a processed sugar substitute. Honey is fat-free, cholesterol-free, and sweeter than table sugar which means you need to use less of it to sweeten foods and drinks. The varieties of honey are as numerous as the types of plants bees visit for pollination. As far as I could tell, there are about 25 types of honey available in the contintental U.S. (this includes manuka honey, a relatively recent import from New Zealand). But there are numerous other types of honey available throughout the world. So not only is honey better for you than processed sugar, but because it comes in so many different varieties, you can endlessly adjust the flavor of a single recipe or cup of tea just by rotating to another type of honey. Top that sugar!

Of course you already knew about honey as a sweetner. But did you know about honey's medicinal properties? Way before Neosporin appeared, honey was being used as a topical ointment to dress burns and wounds. It's antibacterial, antiseptic, anti-inflammatory properties make it perfect for all sorts of skin injuries. In fact, recent studies show honey is highly effective against MRSA (aka flesh eating disease). Honey has also been shown to be more effective than cough syrup when it comes to chronic, nighttime coughing in adults and children. It's also great for chronic sinus infections and throat infections too.

Sounds great, right? Well, for the most part, honey really is the ultimate multitasking food. However, keep in mind that a) honey is never ok to give to children under the age of one due to botulism risks (and some doctor's recommend holding off until a child is two) and b) while local honey has been actively promoted as a way to combat seasonal allergies, no studies have been able to prove this 100%.

Oh, and when I talk about honey as a healing agent....I do not mean Sue Bee honey or any other big brand honey found at your local supermarket. The best honeys to buy are raw, local, and organic honey (all three if you can find it). These are highest in infection-fighting nutrients, full of flavor, and coming from beekeepers who are concerned about the dramatically declining bee population and doing their part to protect bees (and consumers) from pesticide exposure (sadly, the EPA is still not 100% convinced the pesticides are responsible for colony collapse even though many, many beekeepers and scientists feel it's the most likely cause).

So next time you open up your pantry and spot that humble jar of honey on the shelf, give it the respect that its due as one of the world's oldest, and most reliable, sweetners and medicinal remedies.

A Healthy Cookie that Doesn't Taste Like Sh-t

Today I decided to make cookies. Only I wanted to go for something with minimal sugar and "natural" ingredients. Oh, and I wanted them to taste good (go figure). After a brief visit to Google, I stumbled across 101 Cookbooks...a blog I am only slightly familiar with (mostly because the author of said blog is an earth-mother vegetarian sort and as such, doesn't really have a lot of recipes that are of interest to me). However her honey-sweetened thumbprint cookie recipe intrigued me. It looked simple (check) and substituted honey for sugar (check) and used whole wheat pastry flour in place of white flour (check). Best of all, in the event that the cookies ended up tasting like cardboard, a tiny dab of jam in the middle would keep the mouth from slipping into a coma.

So dear reader, I made them. And I have no regrets. My kids like them, I like them, and K likes them. They have more flavor than typical "healthy" cookies...but you don't have to feel guilty when popping several into your mouth.

If you decide to walk on the wild side with me, here are a few tips:
1) The author used clover honey (if I recall correctly) but I opted for a darker, raw organic honey from Hawaii (a la Costco). The darker honey tends to have a molasses/maple syrupy taste to it which, when added, provides some additional depth of flavor to foods and teas. But that's my opinion.
2) I used an apricot fruit spread for the filling and I think it worked well with the rest of the cookie.
3) The recipe recommends coconut oil or ghee as the fat component. I have heard a lot about cooking with coconut oil but I didn't happen to have any around the house. Oddly enough, I did have ghee. Ghee, in case you aren't familiar with it, is clarified butter...and very popular in Indian cooking. It's made by simmering unsalted butter until the milk proteins separate out. Ghee is apparently much healthier than pure butter and unlike some oils, it has a high-smoke point which means you can heat it at high temps and it doesn't lose any of it's nutritional value or break down as a result. I'd always been wary of ghee...let's face it, a room-temperature jar of butter doesn't really call out to me. But it's really good and nothing to be frightened of! And it leant a lovely buttery taste to the cookies.
4) Do not make the mistake of using regular old whole wheat flour for these. You really want to use whole wheat PASTRY flour. Pastry flour is a much finer consistency which means whole wheat pastry flour is less dense and more like regular unbleached white flour in texture. If you aren't sold on the idea of using whole wheat pastry flour for baking...I recommend going half and half (1/2 ww and 1/2 unbleached white).

Enjoy!

Best Baked Ziti EVER

Once in a while (and sadly, not as often as I'd like) I stumble across a fabulous recipe that I want to share with my friends and family. This happened yesterday. I spotted a yummy sounding baked ziti recipe in an old issue of Cook's Illustrated magazine and because I had a hankering for comfort food, decided to make it. The final product was truly one of the best pasta casserole dishes I have EVER had the pleasure of eating. It was warm, creamy, cheesy, and flavorful. Even K, who typically is not a fan of tomato-based sauces (seriously. what is wrong with him?!) liked it. As for the kids, M actually asked if she could have it for lunch today...a sure sign of a hit.

Couple things and then the recipe:
1) Given this is from Cook's Illustrated, you'll want to follow the recipe pretty much to the letter. Cook's Illustrated does a fabulous job of prepping recipes multiple times in their test kitchens to figure out the best ingredients and best techniques to achieve the very best meals. So things that might seem silly or optional (dicing the mozzarella -- why not just buy preshredded?) are typically there for a reason.
2) This took me about 30 minutes to prep and then I popped it in the fridge to cook later that day. I would not say this is a "fast" recipe...but it's not super lengthy or time consuming. However, it does require about an hour of cooking time...so you will want to factor that into your plans.

Serves 8 to 10.

Ingredients
1 pound whole milk cottage cheese or 1 percent cottage cheese (see note)
2 large eggs , lightly beaten
3 ounces grated Parmesan cheese (about 1 1/2 cups)
Table salt
1 pound ziti or other short, tubular pasta
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
5 medium garlic cloves , minced or pressed through garlic press (about 5 teaspoons)
1 (28-ounce) can tomato sauce
1 (14.5-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil leaves
1 teaspoon sugar
Ground black pepper
3/4 teaspoon cornstarch
1 cup heavy cream (see note)
8 ounces low-moisture whole-milk mozzarella cheese , cut into 1/4-inch pieces (about 1 1/2 cups) (see note)

Instructions
1. Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Whisk cottage cheese, eggs, and 1 cup Parmesan together in medium bowl; set aside. Bring 4 quarts of water to boil in large Dutch oven over high heat. Stir in 1 tablespoon salt and pasta; cook, stirring occasionally, until pasta begins to soften but is not yet cooked through, 5 to 7 minutes. Drain pasta and leave in colander (do not wash Dutch oven).
2. Meanwhile, heat oil and garlic in 12-inch skillet over medium heat until garlic is fragrant but not brown, about 2 minutes. Stir in tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, and oregano; simmer until thickened, about 10 minutes. Off heat, stir in ½ cup basil and sugar, then season with salt and pepper.
3. Stir cornstarch into heavy cream in small bowl; transfer mixture to now-empty Dutch oven set over medium heat. Bring to simmer and cook until thickened, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove pot from heat and add cottage cheese mixture, 1 cup tomato sauce, and ¾ cup mozzarella, then stir to combine. Add pasta and stir to coat thoroughly with sauce.
4. Transfer pasta mixture to 13- by 9-inch baking dish and spread remaining tomato sauce evenly over pasta. Sprinkle remaining ¾ cup mozzarella and remaining 1/2 cup Parmesan over top. Cover baking dish tightly with foil and bake for 30 minutes.
5. Remove foil and continue to cook until cheese is bubbling and beginning to brown, about 30 minutes longer. Cool for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining 2 tablespoons basil and serve.

Beware Quackery

Whatever you may think of alternative health (chiropractic, acupuncture, herbal medicine, etc), I am totally on board with some aspects of it. But I also think there are a lot of completely bogus "cures" and "remedies" being peddled by quacks and snake oil salesmen out to make a buck. Sadly, because the FDA prefers to spend time approving urgently needed drugs--like Latisse, a side-effect laden topical ointment that helps grow eyelashes (because you can never have enough eyelashes, right?)--rather than researching alternative medicine, many consumers are left to fend for themselves when it comes to deciding if a alternative "cure" is legitimate and effective. And this is frequently a recipe for disaster.

Look. There are a lot of smart people out there who are very interested in pursuing alternate and/or less invasive health remedies. But there are just as many smart people out there waiting eagerly to separate you from your hard earned cash by convincing you that a) western medicine is totally bogus, b) natural medicine isn't, and c) oh, by the way, they happen to have just the "natural' thing you are looking for to help with whatever illness plagues you.

Let me say it again: I am a fan of alternative remedies when/if I can find ample studies and or personal proof that said remedies actually work. I personally am a fan of chiropractic care. It works for me. It works for my mom. It works for my husband. I also have a naturopath that my whole family sees (along with our regular mainstream doctors) who has helped us many times when the OTC and prescription stuff didn't do a damn thing. But I don't believe in the healing power of crystals, nor do I buy into faith healing, nor do I think vaccines are poisons (however I do very much question the efficacy of some vaccines, in particular the flu). And if I am ever diagnosed with cancer, my first thought won't be to run to a native American sweat lodge to detoxify my body.

So then. How does one avoid the rampant quackery and hone in on the legitimate holistic and alternative health stuff out there? Allow me to help.

1) Word of mouth is great. But only to a point. It's useful to find out what's worked for your friends and family. However if it sounds too good to be true...then it probably is. And I know you know better than to get health advice from complete strangers.

2) Researching things on the web is a useful way to find out more about specific remedies and practices. But ALWAYS proceed with caution. If, for example, you happen upon a site that peddles in paranoia and fear and miracle cures, run--don't walk--the other way. How to tell if you have found one of these sites? They typically have an "us against them" mentality and almost always are willing to sell you a variety of their own products. If you aren't sure what to look for, here is one of my favorites: http://www.mercola.com/. Mercola is, in my opinion, very dangerous because he mixes good science with bad science and ALWAYS documents his sources, leaving the reader to believe that no stone was left unturned during his research process. Also, if a site is run by a "doctor" and even if said doctor is an MD, don't assume this person knows what he/she is talking about.

3) I have found two good places for fact checking remedies. One is NCCAM (National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine) which is run by the U.S. government (but not by the FDA) as a way to provide the public with legitimate research and studies into various alternative health claims. The other, and much more biased against holistic medicine but still well-researched and very informative, is QuackWatch.org. But take both with a grain of salt because there are no neutral parties when it comes to health.

4) Ask around and find a good naturopath. A good naturopath works closely with mainstream doctors and doesn't immediately attempt to peddle his/her remedies to you upon the first appointment. She/he should never attempt to dissuade you from seeking medical help for serious issues. I knew I'd found a great doc when she took one look at the bunion on my foot and handed me a business card for a podiotrist (who turnded out to be excellent). Trust your gut. And for God's sake, don't attempt any "do it yourself" remedies at home unless you have done the research and have the recipes and dosages for adults and children. You certainly wouldn't attempt to diagnose and then remove a cancerous skin lesion at home. So then why would you buy herbs online and brew up a potion to give to your family? Herbs are plants...and almost all western medicine (anti-depressants, anti-virals, anti-coagulants, antibiotics) are plant based and can be lethal under the right circumstances.

Keep in mind that it's very hard to find unbiased info about anything these days. For every quack health website, there is an arrogant doctor or scientist or skeptic blog eager to prove how ALL holistic medicine is utter bullshit. This can be very confusing for the lay reader who is simply looking for verifiable data as to whether or not something actually works. The fact is, western medicine...like alternative medicine...is big business. And the pharmaceutical companies have tons of money in their pockets which they don't always use in the best way possible. So while I don't believe that big pharma reps sit around in an underground conference room plotting to release the next mutant virus so they can sell more vaccines...I am under no illusions that they to are trying to make a buck off of me just like their alternative counterparts. And when you make your money off of prescription drugs and vaccines...the whole alternative medicine field is viewed very much as a competitor.

I personally think there is some legitimacy to holistic and alternative health. I encourage you to do your own research and see if it's the right thing for you. Just remember not to check your brain at the door.

Why You Should Be Worried about Genetically Modified Foods

I knew GM foods were contentious. I had some ideas why. But I never knew all the gory details until watching The Future of Food, a fabulous and chilling documentary about GM foods and how they are impacting our planet and our farmers. If you do one thing...please watch this. It's informative and legit (no wackadoo stuff here). And then the next time you go shopping...really stop and think about the food you buy and whether or not it could be GM.

Stranger Danger

Shortly after Maia and I began our journey into the wonderful world of sex education (see here), it also came to my attention that it was probably high time to have the other BIG talk...you know, the one about staying safe around strangers. Make no mistake, it is our responsibility as parents to have some form of this talk with our preschoolers. The question is, however, just how does one go about it without scaring the shit out of your kids? And how on earth does one help kids to be more street savvy without completely squashing their need to explore the world and become more independent minded?

Let's stop for a moment and think about when we were kids. Some of us grew up in the 70s...some of us in the 80s....but regardless of the time period, chances are you did at least a few of these things as a child:
- came home to an empty house after school (while in grade school, no less), prepped yourself a snack, called mom to say you were home, and watched TV until a parent arrived from work
- rode your bike solo around your neighborhood and even up to a local store to buy candy
- spent hours exploring several acres of a wooded area behind or near your house with only a dog or two for company
- went trick or treating with a group of friends and without a single adult along to "ensure safety"
- waited, alone, at a school bus stop for at least 15 minutes every morning after your parents had already driven off to work
- sat in the car with the windows down while mom or dad ran into a store to pick up some groceries
- walked to school by yourself
- walked several blocks to a friend's house (or biked there) by yourself

Any of this sound familiar? Now, picture your own child at age seven or eight or nine. How comfortable would you feel allowing them to do the same? Maybe most of you feel totally fine with all of the above...or maybe not. But now is the time to really start thinking about your personal comfort zone when it comes to granting your child more independence...and doing what you can to educate yourself and your kids about how to stay safe.

Per usual, I have two books to recommend. One of them is probably not unfamiliar to some of you, Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Kids the Freedom We had Without Going Nuts with Worry by Lenore Skenazy. The other may not be as familiar, Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) by Gavin De Becker. Both books approach the same topic from differing perspectives and both books have the same goal in mind: to help parents, and kids, trust and act on their instincts while still managing to allow children to enjoy their childhood and all the freedoms that come along with it.

Enjoy!

Crock Pot Blues

Just when you think its safe...and you've done everything humanly possible to protect your family...you discover there is yet another villain lurking in your kitchen. I'm not talking about plastic...been there, done that. Nor am I talking about non-stick pans, tap water, or e. coli. Today's kitchen bad guy is none other than the humble crock pot.

Here's the story. Back in 2004, an enterprising news reporter in Utah at KUTV decided to do a little investigation of the hidden dangers of common household products. First he uncovered the high amounts of lead in ceramic dishes (one reason why it's NEVER a good idea to microwave your dinnerware. High heat makes lead leach out faster). This set off a mini shit storm and was a big hit in terms of increased viewers. So he decided to test some other items as well. And that's where the crock pot comes in. Our intrepid reporter performed a lead test on several brands of crock pots and bingo! He hit the lead jackpot.

Some of you may already know this. But I confess it came as a surprise to me. I saw it in one of the parenting forums I subscribe to and at first I was skeptical....then when I researched the information further, I was surprised to realize this news was over five years old. Why hadn't I heard about this? And why on earth were crock pot manufacturers still selling lead-laden crock pots?!

The story is legit (although for the record, I could not find anything about it on Snopes). Here is a link to the original news report...and a link to another blog that has a lot of solid details about the investigation, brands to avoid, and why the whole lead thing is such a big deal.

Original Jack O' Lanterns = Scary as Hell

Because I simply MUST know everything, I began pondering Halloween...specifically, the jack o' lantern. I suspect most of you are aware of the following:

- Halloween, originally known as Samhain (pronounced sow-un), was a pagan holiday celebrated by the Celts across most of Western Europe and the British Isles. It was, in a nutshell, the pagan equivalent of New Year's Eve and Dio de los Meurtos all wrapped into one. When Christianity arrived, the holiday fell by the wayside and was taken over by a Christianized version (All Saints and All Souls Day(s). However it managed to survive on in a few outposts, most notably Ireland.

- Pre-potato famine, the Irish carved jack o'lanterns out of Swedish Turnips (AKA rutabagas). These little fellows were used to ward off the bad spirits that were thought to walk during this time of the year. Between you and I, carving a rutabaga sounds like a shitload of work. These relatives of the turnip are a) notoriously tough little buggers b) not hollow and c) completely devoid of yummy seeds.

- Post-famine, as droves of Irish made their way to the U.S. of A, they discovered the pumpkin which--for obvious reasons--was a hands-down favorite when it came to carving jack o'lanterns. Farewell rutabagas! Viva la pumpkin!

Which brings us to the present.

I don't know about you, but I've never actually seen a carved turnip. I admit to feeling somewhat curious. I mean clearly, pumpkins are my preferred canvas when it comes to vegetable carving (I do not recommend lettuce or cabbage). But I'm all for celebrating the past, etc.

Anyway, thanks to the internet...I found this:

And promptly scared the piss out of myself.

This is a rutabaga. It's on display in a museum somewhere in Ireland. I haven't a clue how old it is. But I will say it's incredibly disturbing to look at. It has teeth people. And it looks like a mummified head that was fished out of a bog. If this is the sort of shit the Irish were placing on windows and doorsteps to scare off evil spirits, I suspect it worked like a charm. It was probably also very useful when it came to scaring off neighbors, small children, and drunks.

Let's scroll up and take another look at our mummified friend up there. Now let's take a look at some American-style jack o' lanterns:


Slightly creepy? Sure! Nightmare inducing? Not really.

Happy Halloween folks! Avoid turnips.

My First Horror Movie

I recently sent this to an online publication that asked folks to submit their first horror movie experiences. I thought it might be fun to share with you...and perhaps you can share yours in the comment section...if you dare. Enjoy.

The first horror movie I ever saw (or at least the first I can recall ever seeing) was The Shining. This was in 1981. I was ten years old and visiting my cousins in California (I, a recent transplant to Georgia, had been shipped out to stay with family for the summer). My aunt and uncle were notoriously lax with rules when it came to their kids…so I could always look forward to a free-for-all at their house including lots of sugar and late nights with R-rated movies. I remember my aunt telling me we were going to watch a scary movie that night…one that had just come out on cable (or maybe it was on the VCR/BETA, I can’t recall if videos were that prevalent yet). I knew about The Shining because I’d recently read the spoof of it in Mad magazine (The Shiner)…so I had a general idea of what to expect. I also LOVED Jack Nicholson because he, at the time, bore a striking resemblance to my dad.

I remember changing into my pajamas, my aunt made popcorn, and my two cousins and I found a comfortable spot on the floor in front of my aunt’s giant sectional sofa. My uncle settled into in his La-Z-Boy, my aunt in hers, and the movie started.

From the beginning I was overwhelmed by the oppressiveness of the intro music…an organ, or was it a cello? playing dark, funereal notes over and over. Very ominous. As the movie progressed, I recall glancing down at my Mad magazine (the one with The Shining spoof…probably picked up in my older cousins room where he had a stack of them) during the scariest parts to distract myself without having to leave the room. I was particularly upset by the notorious “old lady in the bathtub” scene and the twins in the hall. But certainly the most horrifying part of the experience was to see just how vulnerable a family really is, how easily things can take a turn for the worse and then all bets are off. Watching the father (who, you’ll recall, looked a bit like my own) become insane and then incredibly violent towards his wife and son was terrifying. By the end of the film my palms and armpits were saturated with sweat and I was on edge…very like how, as an adult, I feel if I drink too much strong coffee in one sitting.

That night, I ended up sleeping with my aunt and uncle because of nightmares. I also wet the bed. And dreams of my father chasing me through our huge backyard in Georgia with an ax permeated the next few years of my childhood (until puberty hit and brought a host of other dreams with it).

As a parent with young kids, I look back on this experience and have to ask, “What in the hell were they thinking?! How is a horror movie appropriate for three young kids?!” (The oldest of us was 12 at the time, the youngest was eight). But, here’s the best part, The Shining is hands down one of my favorite movies of all time…and I LOVE the horror genre. These days, horror movies still keep me up at night…but thankfully I no longer wet the bed.

The Birds and The Bees: Sex Education for Preschoolers

Yes, you read that title right. Maybe you haven't started getting those questions from your kids, but I have. Just the other day M told me she had an important question. I was in the kitchen cooking which (thankfully) meant my back was to her when she let it fly: "Mommy, how did Z get in your tummy?" After a LONG pause, I turned around and used one of the greatest stalling tactics known to moms and dads around the world: "Hmmm?" She repeated the question while my brain scrambled to come up with something. Sadly, it didn't really help.

My response? Something along the lines of:
"Well sweety, she just grew in there when mommy and daddy were ready for her to grow. Just like you." And then I promptly changed the subject.

I bet you can guess what I did next...or shortly thereafter. Yes, I immediately went online and begin looking for help in the form of a book. Sadly, there just aren't many options out there when it comes to helping parents talk to young kids about sex. I guess it makes sense. Most folks don't really think about sex education for toddlers. But if you stop and think about it, the formative years are a time when we form opinions about EVERYTHING from food to male and female roles to opinions about our bodies. Given that, it seems crucial that we get our birds and bees stories down pat so we can a) respond to our kid's first questions in b) ways that don't make them or ourselves uncomfortable.

I could go on and on (and would if it weren't getting late). But instead, allow me to direct you to an excellent (and probably the ONLY) book on sex education for the under five crowd: But How'd I Get in There in the First Place? Talking to Your Young Child about Sex by Deborah M. Roffman. This book is short, easy to read, and helps parents figure out ways to approach an otherwise awkward subject with candor and ease. Unless you are the Dr. Ruth of your household, do yourself and your kids a favor and pick it up.

Staying Healthy During Cold and Flu Season

The swine flu vaccine is slowly arriving in clinics over the next few weeks. The FluMist version has recently appeared here in California (although I caution anyone interested in getting the vaccine to avoid the nasal version and go straight for the shots. Read here for more info especially the bit about viral shedding...I ignored all the us-against-them hype of the rest of the article). Even if you're not planning to get the H1N1 vaccine...you may be considering a seasonal flu vaccine for you and/or your family.

Far be it from me to tell folks whether or not to get vaccinated. While I prescribe to quite a few alternative health practices, I am not fully on board with the anti-vaccine crowd. I see their point and have gone so far as to put my kids on a modified (aka Dr. Sears) vaccination schedule as a result. But I'm not about to forgo vaccines 100%. I prefer to walk the fine line between mainstream and alternative medicine. I think each has something of value to contribute and I want to get the best of both worlds.

Anyway, I've spent an inordinate amount of time researching the flu vaccines to ensure whatever I decide to do this year is the right thing for my family. As such, I've complied a list of things my family can do to help boost our immune systems. Anyone can do these things regardless of whether or not they decide to get the shot(s). Because, let's face it, even if you are no longer vulnerable to the seasonal flu or H1N1, there are a host of other winter illnesses lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce.

But before I go into the preventatives, allow me to share this information with you courtesy of Dr. Sears regarding the H1N1 vaccine. I found it incredibly helpful and balanced (very refreshing considering how both sides of the vaccine issue can wax a tad fanatical at times).

Now here are a few easy things you can do (aside from the obvious: wash your hands!) to keep your family's immune system in top condition this winter:

1) Invest in a few bottles of elderberry syrup. Both mainstream and integrative medical studies have found elderberry to be a wonderful anti-viral. It works to help fend off viral infections as well as keep them from running completely amuk once a person is infected. Elderberry is also fabulous for sore throats. Give kids a teaspoon a day and adults two teaspoons as a preventative. You can purchase Nature's Way sugar-free (but yummy) elderberry supplement at Whole Foods or any health food store. You can also purchase a bag of dried elderberries and make your own concoction at home. But please remember, elderberries should NEVER be eaten as they are toxic when dried or raw. Steeping them for a few hours in hot water removes all toxins, leaving behind the good stuff in liquid form. Strain out the solids, add a little honey, and voila! Instant syrup.

2) Mucco coccinum is a homeopathic anti-viral that while not terribly effective for me, really seems to do the trick for the kids. The few times I've remembered to give it to them, both M and Z managed to avoid catching whatever creeping crud infected K and I. Kids should get 1/2 pill every two weeks for maintenance and 1 pill per day if sick. Adults should get 1 pill every two weeks for maintenance and one pill a day if sick. The pills are sweet and dissolve quickly under the tongue...kids love them. For babies, grind up and place in mouth in powder form.

3) Invest in a bottle of rose hip syrup. Rose hips are INCREDIBLY high in vitamin C...even more so than oranges. 1/2 teaspoon a day for kids, 1 teaspoon a day for adults is more than enough to help strengthen the immune system. I get mine here.

4) (advanced apologies for semi-nude pic in link. WTF?!) Get your vitamin D in the best way possible: go outside and sit in the sun for at least 15 minutes per day. Yes, hanging out in the sun during peak hours isn't a great idea considering the risk of skin damage and cancer. But spending time in the sun at least twice a week, especially early morning sun (until 10:00am), gives adults and kids the vitamin D they need. This is especially necessary during the winter months to keep immune systems strong. Many people mistakenly stay indoors during the winter because they believe they are more prone to getting sick when it's cold. The truth is, you are more prone to getting sick if you spend too much time indoors...so be sure to take the family outside as frequently as you can, even when it's cold. You can also take vitamin D supplements or target foods rich in Vitamin D. If you do decide on supplements, understand that there is too much of a good thing. This article can help provide more info.

5) Last but not least, don't forget your probiotics. I know I've waxed poetic about these before. But honestly, I swear by them. My kids get sick just like anyone elses (and sometimes more than other people's kids). But so far, we've managed to stare into the face of several stomach bugs over the past few months and none of them gained a foothold in our home. I like to think this has something to do with probiotics. Also, should you have to put your kids on some form of antibiotic for ear infections, conjunctivitus, or whatever...probiotics are a must. Antibiotics kill off both good and bad bacteria. And our bodies need the good bacteria to keep our immune systems strong and fight off any potential invaders. The irony of antibiotics is we take them to get rid of a nasty infection but because we are taking them, we are making our bodies more vulnerable to other nasty infections (yeast infections anyone?). Probiotics replenish the good bacterias and ensure minimal negative impact to our immune systems.

Good luck and stay healthy!!

False Friends of the Plant World

I recently finished a book that I picked up simply because I liked the look of it. The title, Wicked Plants: The Weed that Killed Abe Lincoln's Mother and Other Botantical Atrocities, was too delicous to resist. And the book itself: small, green, with an embossed cover and an adorable gold ribbon bookmark looked like something one might pick up in a Victorian bookshop.

In spite of the book's cuteness....the contents were anything but. As the title boldly announces, the book covers a variety of risque and frequently deadly denizens of the plant world. I certainly expected to (and did) run into a few familiar faces: belladonna (aka deadly nightshade), castor beans (origin of the incredibly deadly poison ricin), aconite (aka wolfsbane, monkshood), mandrake. But I was discomfited by just how many houseplants and even vegetables and fruits made the list. As an example:

- Have you ever heard of pellagra? If you lived in Europe or the American South in the last two centuries, you would have seen it on a regular basis. In fact there are some theories that it contributed to the vampire mythos in that its victims developed a marked sensitivity to sunlight and often looked like animated corpses depending on the severity of the disease. Pellagra, a deadly form of malnutrition caused by a deficiency of niacin, was and is largely caused by corn. That's right, corn. The same yellow stuff most of us enjoy with gusto every late spring and summer. Corn is wonderfully nutritious aside from the fact that it jealously guards its niacin (vitamin B3). When eaten with a balanced diet of foods, this isn't a problem. But if corn makes up a significant portion of your diet, as it does in many countries, pellagra can frequently rear its ugly head. The native americans worked around this problem by planting corn with lime or other calcite-bearing minerals. The minerals worked with the corn to release the niacin and make it easily absorbed when eaten. But it wasn't until the 1930s that folks figured out the link.

- Ever seen a raw cashew? If you do, please don't eat it. Cashews are part of the same family as poison oak, poison ivy, and poison sumac. The nut is safe to consume as long as it hasn't come in contact with the shell. Pick one up and you can expect to develop an uncomfortable rash.

- Philodendrons. Ficus. Peace Lilies. English Ivy. All incredibly common houseplants. And all toxic. Philodendrons can cause severe stomach cramping and nausea if ingested. The ficus tree can provoke severe allergies. The peace lily causes skin irritation, nausea, burning of the mouth, and difficult swallowing. And english ivy can cause severe gastrointestinal and respiratory problems.

Suffice it to say after reading this book, I began to look at my garden and houseplants in a whole new light. The following day, I took a little tour around my backyard to see what I could find. More than half of the plants were here when K and I moved in...combine that with my utter lack of plant knowledge and you can imagine how oblivious I have been to what's growing out back (and in my house). But after doing a little detective work, I was able to identify a few. Here's a list of those that made the "wicked" list:

Solanum jasminoides, AKA potato vine. This plant, sometimes also referred to as unscented jasmine, is part of the notorious solanum or nightshade family. We have a giant one growing up the entire back wall of our house. The small purple berries are toxic if eaten. What's really disturbing is that just this weekend, I picked a few berries off the plant and squeezed them just to see what the juice looked like.

Solanum macranthum, AKA potato tree. This tree, related to the vine above, sits in the easternmost corner of our house against a fence. It's lovely with crepe-like purple flowers that bloom in the spring and summer. But, like most members of the nightshade family, it's toxic and has a sap that, if touched, can cause skin irritation.

Oleander, a member of the dogbane family (btw, any plant that has the word "bane" in it, from the old english "bana" or "death, killer", is almost certainly one you don't want to have anywhere near your home). Lovely flowers, known as the "freeway plant" in California because these Mediterranean trees/shrubs line many freeways throught the Golden State. Also reputed to be one of the most toxic plants around. Oleander leaves, bark, and flowers are extremely poisonous and even very small exposure can be enough to cause death, especially in young children. Thankfully, all our oleanders reside outside our backyard. However an entire row of them line the east side of our house (along the outside of the side fence) and we have one lovely oleander tree smack in the middle of our front walkway. M knows oleanders by sight and, after repeated warnings, is well aware not to go near them.

Bougainvillea, an incredibly beautiful climbing plant, is pretty safe when compared with some of the other plants I listed above. Except for the thorns. Bougainvillea thorns have a waxy black substance on the tip which is toxic and has been known to cause anything from mild irritation to hospital visits requiring antibiotic treatment for infection. We've got bougainvillea in several spots in our backyard.

There's probably more but I'm too depressed to continue my search. Thankfully, with the winter months just around the corner, many of these plants will be at their lowest levels of toxicity (aside from my deadly friend the oleander). It's pretty clear to me now that whoever owned this house prior to K and I did NOT have small children.

Here's a great resource to help you find out the general toxicity of common indoor and outdoor plants in your home or garden. And here's a list of relatively safe plants, especially for those of us with pets and/or kids.

Have You Heard of the Switch Witch?

Either I'm the only person around who hasn't heard of the Switch Witch or this is a relatively new-ish concept. In a nutshell, some clever parents came up with a way to do away with the sugar overload that frequently comes with Halloween. I like the idea because it doesn't completely eliminate the fun of trick-or-treating or try to convince the general population to hand out fruit and toothbrushes instead of sweets (good luck with that one).

Anyway, the Switch Witch concept is kind of like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus all rolled into one. The idea: little Jane comes home from trick-or-treating, she and mom ooh and ahh over the candy and select a few favorites from the stash, and then she leaves her bag of candy outside her bedroom door before going to bed. That night, the Switch Witch comes along, takes the candy, and leaves behind a small gift in exchange. Best part? Jane wakes up to a new toy, book, whatever and mom and dad get to secretly gorge themselves sick on Jane's Halloween candy for the next three months. How cool is that?!

Frankly, this concept couldn't have come along at a better time. M is old enough now to visit more than three houses on Halloween. This, of course, means more candy. More candy that K and I have to somehow try to ration and/or confiscate from someone who will most certainly feel that every single piece rightfully belongs to her. But the only thing M loves more than candy is the idea of waking up to a surprise gift. Hallelujah!!

The Irony of Gun Rights

No matter where you personally stand on the gun control issue (full disclosure: I am all for gun control) a recent tragedy in Pennsylvania is a stark example of everything, in my mind, that is wrong with allowing the public to have access to weapons.

A woman and mother of three who stirred up a lot of controversy earlier this year because she insisted on wearing a holstered gun in public, was fatally shot by her husband on Wednesday night. Her loaded pistol was apparently tucked in a nearby purse. After shooting his wife, the husband shot himself. Thankfully none of the children were injured but it unfortunately appears they were in the house and witnessed their mother's shootinng. I can only imagine the therapy they will need to move past this horrible event. You can read the full story here.

I have so many questions (aside from the obvious one: what was so wrong with their relationship that a husband decides to shoot and kill his wife and the mother of his children?). Why did this women insist on wearing a loaded, holstered weapen to her five-year old's soccer matches? Why did she then blame the town sherriff for the subsequent drop-off in her home daycare business after her arrest? Didn't she consider that the parents of the young children at her daycare might not be comfortable having their kids in a home that carried at least two loaded weapons? And lastly, when all is said and done, what good did her loaded gun really do her?

I've heard the oft quoted statement: guns don't kill, people do. But people with the intention to kill might not be as successful if they didn't have easy access to a loaded gun. And how sad that this gal who felt she was standing up for her personal right to bear arms is now dead as a result of said right. I am sure there exists plenty of data to support the idea that guns somehow protect people. But seems to me, there are just as many (if not more) innocent folks injured or killed in accidental or intentional gun firings than there are those who have been saved thanks to a loaded weapon.

Meanwhile, the lives of three very young children have been horribly and irrevocably changed thanks to a moment of intense emotions, poor judgement, and a loaded gun.

Environmental Toxins: Formaldehyde and Radon

As some of you may know, I recently joined a group called the Holistic Moms Network. The types of folks who belong to this group are cut from a fairly broad spectrum including the anti-vaccine crowd, the organic food crowd, the naturopath crowd, the eco-living crowd, the homeschoolers, the attachment parenting crowd, and lots of average folks like you and me who are simply looking for ways to minimize their footprint and family exposure to unecessary chemicals.

Anyway, one of the benefits of belonging to this group are the regular meetings they have with guest speakers covering a range of topics that all fall under the holistic lifestyle banner. Unfortunately I missed my first meeting due to other stuff going on at home...but I really wished I hadn't because as it turns out, it was pretty darned good. The guest speaker, a gal named Linda Kincaid, is an environmental health and safety consultant in the Silicon Valley. She spoke at length about two of the top environmental toxins currently circulating through many homes here in the valley and across the world: formaldehyde and radon.

I was going to recap from the HMN San Jose chapter blog but instead, I think I'll lead you straight to the source for the info. Please note, if you think this information does not apply to you because you're totally on the up-and-up when it comes to all things green, think again. Some of the homes with the highest level of formaldehyde toxins are those that have been built and/or retrofitted to meet green standards in energy efficiency, etc. And if you have granite countertops anywhere in your home (or are considering them) or like to buy your furniture from upscale stores like Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel, or Restoration Hardware, this is definitely for you. The info is not meant to be alarmist...it simply states facts along with advice on how to test for toxins and what you can do to eliminate them in your home.

Here's the link...happy reading.

No More Sulking

I promise. However, I must point out that along with K's layoff from his job....my family and I were also treated to a middle-of-the-night visit to ER in the wee hours of Saturday morning (courtesy of Z and a case of acute croup) and your's truly has a cold.

Yes indeedy! Fun times at the VDB house!! Wheeeeeee!

Seriously though, as of this post...the pity party has ended. Just a quick poll and then things will be back to normal beginning with tomorrow (or the day after, depending on whether or not I get around to posting).

Poll:
If J and K are unable to find paying jobs within the next three months, should they:
a) take to a life of crime and become baby-wearing bank robbers (and teach M how to drive the get-a-way car)?
b) consider opening San Jose's first (as far as we know, that is) suburban bordello?
c) ditch their sinking ship of a home in the dark of night, change identities, and move to Mexico?
d) see if they can get jobs as "dancing men" holding ad signs outside Little Ceasar's Pizza?

Welcome to the Big Suck

I had a totally different post lined up for today. And then life, as it frequently does, threw us a little curve ball in the form of K being let go from his job. Actually, we knew it would happen as of yesterday and frankly, the signs were piling up all over the place for the past few weeks. So as shitty as it is, at least it didn't come out of nowhere.

So. Now what? What exactly does one do when in this sort of situation?

Part of me would like to do nothing more than jump in my car, drive to the residence of K's ball-less wonder of a boss, and slap his face (twice, for good measure). Another part of me is feeling deeply panicked in a biblical "wailing and gnashing of teeth" way. And yet another part is sort of philisophical and zen about the whole thing....as in "this too shall pass." Only time will tell which aspect will come out on top.

I guess now I'm at a bit of a loss. See, the thing is, I really only have a supporting role in the show at the moment. Because it's all about K and his ability to pick himself up and negotiate his way into another job. The fact is, he's always been the primary income earner of the family...the cash cow, if you will. When I was working I definitely brought in some decent money...but never quite to K's level. So while I could feasibly run out and look for a job, it still wouldn't solve all our problems. And there's only so much I can do to help K land another position.

And then, of course, there's the whole health insurance BS to deal with. Who'd have guessed while I was spending the last several weeks angsting over the whole H1N1 vaccine that, in the end, the decision of whether or not to vaccinate might simply come down to whether or not we have health insurance. I guess you could say our situation is certainly relevant, given all the health care reform discussions going on.

Sigh. What a drag. That's all there is to say right now. The weekend is upon us and we've got the next 48 to process and digest the situation before we figure out a strategy and begin working on it next week. But....should you know of anyone who's a) looking for a freelance writer or b) looking for a marketing director/VP or business development director/VP, point them in my direction.

Over and out.

Is Preschool Bad for Kids?

When participating in a lot of "alternative" groups (passively or otherwise) one frequently come across things that at best, challenge your perspective and force you to rethink your own views and at worst, make you tilt your head and go "Are these people living on the same planet as me? I think not."

Recently, I came across an example of this. However, I wanted to throw it out to you as something to ponder. First, I'll let you read through the item yourself. Then I'll tell you what I think. And afterwards, please feel free to share your own thoughts. Apologies for the length...this is not something I was able to link to as I received it in an email newsletter. I shrunk the font to make it lest cumbersome.

ASK NAOMI: PRESCHOOL OR NOT? by Naomi Aldort

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.”- Albert Einstein

Q: Our daughter is four and very curious and social. Even though I am at home with her baby brother, we signed her up for a wonderful small alternative pre-school. After a short adjustment period in which she cried when I left, she became happy there. Yet, after Christmas break she refused to go back and it has become a struggle every morning. I know she enjoys herself once she is at school but she doesn’t want to leave me. I don’t want to deprive her of a learning and social opportunity, but, I also want to listen to her choice. What would you suggest?

A: What do you recall from age four? If you are like most, you remember close to nothing. What you recall are feelings, sensations, faces and fragments of visuals. Nothing you know today relies on what you learned in these early years in a school. Instead, it relies on how you felt about yourself.

Your wish to respond to your child’s choice is worth trusting. What else can be more valuable for her than learning that the way she feels inside is right? In school, your daughter will not remember the learning or the play, but she will remember the pain of separation and of learning not to trust what she feels inside. Learning to follow external guides and ignore her own, she will later become susceptible to media influences, peer pressure and other external forces.

You also say you don’t want her to miss social and learning opportunities. How can socializing with family who love her the most be called “missing” something? When with mother she does not miss school. When at school, she misses mother.

Pre-school is socially unnatural. By taking young children away from their source of power, mother, and putting them together in a group of similar ages (unable to help each other,) we render them helpless. In this impossible and unnatural setting they fail to socialize on their own and depend on adult control to be able to function and stay safe. Such experience teaches the child to see herself as socially failing and dependent on authority.

The best group experience for a young child is the family. It is a group that is doing things together and in which each member is highly valued and loved. If you had to work, I would talk about empowering your daughter to find joy in her substitute care. However, since you are at home, there is no need to take your daughter away from what is best for her.

Likewise, your child does not miss any learning while at home. It is while in a pre-school that she has to suspend her own learning for the sake of an imposed program. Uninvited teaching thwarts learning and prevents the child from inventing her own methods. When inventing her own ways of figuring things out, the child's brain develops by far more than through following instructions. At home she is free to follow the blueprint of her own mind for optimal timing, and in her own way.

Your child’s social and learning skills come from feeling secure in your love and in her own inner guide.

The “Full Term” child

If the baby is born prematurely, her life and well being is at risk. Prematurity is not desirable, full term is. In the same way, the family is the “womb” of childhood. Children who remain in the family “womb,” emerge at full term emotionally strong and ready to flourish in society. Your child must rely on parental power until she has her own; only then she has the strength to stay rooted in herself in the face of the barrage of influences and choices she is going to face.

Most developmental stages happen on their own quiet suddenly, like birth and like walking. Our attempt at gradually training wee ones to become adults causes them much anxiety and confusion. I often see youth who have been “stuffed” with education from a young age, become exhausted and burdened by the race of living up to expectations and those who had autonomy over the same years, achieving their goals with joy and ease, often, all at once.

"But she had such a good time at school"

It is easy to be fooled by a child’s ability to have fun in the moment. Once your daughter is clear that she must stay in school (even her tears didn’t help her,) she is wise enough to immerse herself in the present. However, of her own free will, no young child would choose to be away from mom; this is nature’s way to ensure optimal intellectual and social development. Therefore, no matter how much a child enjoys herself in a school or in a class, it is not worth the price of teaching her to go against herself.

In addition, your child’s social skills are learned by the way she is treated. If you want her to learn to honor other people (an important social skill,) honor her.

Some parents are sure that their child is totally happy in a school setting from day one. I am open. I cannot know each particular child or family situation. And yet, I suspect that given the choice, before getting used to a school, every child would rather be with her loving mom and family.

Providing nurturance and stimulation at home

Our society is generally over stimulating and competitive, distracting children from their own inner guidance. Protect your daughter from such pressures. Keep in mind Einstein’s famous words, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Let your daughter play and day-dream so she can come up with her own interests, methods of learning and creative thinking.

She may need one friend to play with, preferably a much older child. As for intellectual and cultural exposure, include your daughter in what you love to do and join her emerging interests. At age four, home, play, music, dance, art, books and nature are all she needs and all available at home.

The longer your daughter is spared any indoctrination, the better her chances to optimize her own talents, social skills and learning. When her choice is honored she will learn the only lesson that counts: “My inner voice is the one to listen to.”

So, where to start?

Here's my polite response: I commend this woman (who, by the way is a highly touted expert in certain attachment parenting circles and frequently lectures across the country and internationally) for taking what, I'm sure, is a controversial stance. What is more normal than preschool? I mean, isn't that the way it should be? Don't kids thrive in an environment when mixed with other kids? Don't they learn more this way? Or, as she points out, is this an unnatural alternative that we force on children when, in fact, they'd be better off hanging around at home with mom or dad.

And here's my not-so-polite response: BULLSHIT!

The fact is, yes...sometimes my daughter does not want to go to preschool. But more often than not, she eagerly looks forward to it. And as much as I'd love to be the all-nuturing earth mother-type parent, the truth is--I'm not. I love my girls dearly. I love to spend lots of time with them. But I need some time to myself as well so I can recharge my batteries. After all, if I'm putting all my energy into my children, how can I stay well-rounded and "keep the saw sharpened" so I can stay at the top of my game? The best way for me to be an excellent parent is to honor myself so I can then honor my child. If that means I work outside the home and my child goes to preschool, so be it. If that means I stay at home and my child stays with me (or goes to preschool), so be it.

I don't doubt many kids thrive at home. I suspect they sometimes prefer to spend time with mom and dad and siblings. But I also think they thrive in an environment with other children and other adults. A place that is "not home". Let's face it, unless you plan to have your child with you 24/7 for the rest of his/her life...it's important for kids to know how to function oustide the home just as well as they do inside the home. This isn't to say that we should just throw them into daycare from day one. I'm not a big fan of that and when a parent has the time and stamina, I think it may be better for an infant to be with mom (or a parent-like figure) for at least the first year. That said, I can't see the harm in kids going to preschool.

I was talking with my mom about this whole thing earlier. And she pointed out that when she was a kid, preschools didn't really exist. Moms typically stayed at home with the kids and children played in the neighborhood with the other kids while being watched over by a group of collective moms and grandparents. I suspect this type of lifestyle is what one might find in less developed parts of the world...places where very young children are literally raised by an entire village rather than being sent off to a special place to learn. It sure sounds lovely and bucolic and idyllic. But that's not the world we westerners live in today. Rightly or wrongly, we don't all live clustered together in small groups where we are likely related to everyone within a one-mile radius of our home (or hut, as it were). So now, instead of our kids running amok in a village with other people's kids all being looked after by multiple parents....many of our kids run amok with other people's kids in large or small preschools being looked after by multiple parent-substitutes. So aside from the change in locale, how are these things drastically different from one another?

Lastly...let me say this: I am ALL for the idea of attachment parenting. I do believe the best way to raise a child with a good character, strong morals, and excellent coping skills is to provide him/her with a sturdy foundation via a loving, nuturing family. However, 1) Why does it always seem to be solely up to the mom to do all the work? Where is the dad in all of this? Re-read the article above and you will see ZERO mention of a father. Did he drop dead? Does he not exist? WTF?! 2) I'd like to know what happens to the mom (or dad) who pours the very essence of his/her being into a child when said child leaves home for good. Will colleges start implementing "parent" dorms so these poor lost souls can continue to spend every waking (and sleeping) hour next to their children? Or will the "empty nest" syndrome become a mental health crisis of national proportions with depressed, husk-like parents popping pills to ease the separation from their sole reason for existance?

Also, shouldn't good parenting be as much about easing your child into the world as it is about being there for them as much as possible? Isn't it perhaps detrimental to a child if you make yourself totally available to them ALL THE TIME so that they begin to expect this not only of you but of all adults they come into contact with? How does a child learn that he/she may be a focal point for you and the rest of the family...but not for the rest of the world?

Everything You EVER Wanted to Know about Hand Sanitzers

Well...not really. But if you, like me, are a parent and have some basic concerns about keeping your kids healthy this coming cold and flu season....then you'll probably find some food for thought in today's post.

Right now, across the country, parents, grandparents, and teachers are dashing to their local Target or Walmart to pick up giant packs of hand sanitizers. These handy, purse-sized bottles are so easy to whip out at any sign of dirt, germs, and various types of child-produced effluvia that in some circles, they've all but replaced traditional soap and water. And given the widespread concerns about H1N1, I suspect more people than usual are loading up on Purell and similar products. All this in spite of:

.....the fact that a two-ounce bottle of alchohol-based hand sanitizer contains as much ethanol as four shots of vodka
.....the fact that alchohol-based hand sanitizer is (also thanks to the ethanol) highly flammable. Even a small amount, if ignited, burns quickly and at a high temperature.
.....the fact that most hand sanitizers (and, sadly, some toothpastes and any product treated with anti-bacterial solution -- kid's lunchbags are a prime example) contain triclosan. Lab studies link triclosan to cancer, developmental defects, and liver and lung toxicity. (for more info on triclosan, where its commonly found, and how you can avoid it, read this).

So what's a girl to do?

1) Go old school and embrace hand washing. Various studies agree you are just as (if not more) likely to remove germs from your hands by washing with soap and water as you are with a hand sanitizer.

2) Soap and water not handy? Well, there are a few "natural" sanitizers on the market that work just as well as the "big lable" sanitizers. For an alchohol and triclosan-free sanitizer, try CleanWell. I've been using this product for years...it's safe for kids, comes in purse-sized wipes and sprays, and is available at Target. You can also try EO Hand Sanitizer which is triclosan-free but still contains achohol (so keep it away from the kiddies).

3) On a budget and tired of paying through the nose for upscale, non-chemical and alchohol-based sanitizers? Well, why not go super old school and make your own. Say what? Yeah, sounds a little kooky...but sit back my friend and prepare for a little history lesson.

Back in the 15th century, a band of thieves apparently made a living by robbing dead and dying plague victims. They were eventually captured and brought to trial. The magistrate was prepared to be leniant if the men would explain how they managed to rob so many plague victims without getting sick themselves. Turns out these fellows had perfume and spice trade connections which led them to concoct a special oil made of herbs and spices which they would rub on their hands prior to and just after each job. The oil became known as thieves oil and the rest is history.

Or at least it some of it is. Because in a few accounts I've read, the magistrate/king who interviewed these fellows was none other than King James (a la King James Bible). But last I checked, he wasn't alive and kicking during the 1400s.....hmmm. Whatever. Bottom line is, thieves oil has been around for a long time and has been in use for hundreds of years as a topical anti-bacterial ointment. Don't buy it? Check out what the New York Times has to say about cinnamon, a key ingredient of thieves oil. Oh, and more about thieves oil here and a few recipes.

4) Not really interested in concocting a medieval hand sanitizer in the comfort of your own home? (I mean, let's face it, if thieves oil were really so fabulous, why the hell did so many people continue to drop dead from various plagues and poxes after it was discovered? Ok, aside from poor sanitation, poor nutrition, and total ignorance about health and wellness.) Well, in less time and with less ingredients, you can try this recipe in a pinch.

Happy hand sanitizing!

Venting

So. As many of you are aware, I interviewed for a job a few weeks ago at a large company named after a piece of fruit (I'll give you one guess). Anyway, as you might have guessed, I'm really not hankering after a full-time job. But I feel/felt obligated to go through the motions because K's job is far from stable at the moment. And, frankly, as much as I love being a stay-at-home mom...I think I'd much prefer to take a full-time job vs. living out of my car.

Anyway...back to the main point of this post. So I went to the interview...did the follow-up thank you BS...and contacted the recruiter last week after a reasonable amount of time had passed to check in and see what was going on, if anything. She promptly responded to say she had a meeting with the hiring managers the following day and would get back to me before the week was out. This was on Wednesday September 9. Today it is Tuesday September 15. And I still have not heard back from said recruiter.

Now mind you...I do not claim to be very concerned about the outcome of all of this. So if I'm, for whatever reason, not a great fit...c'est la vie. But come on people! If you say you are going to follow-up, regardless of whether you have good, bad, or no news...then fucking DO IT!! It's not that hard!! You don't even have to pick up the phone!! You can simply take two seconds to cut and paste a form letter that says "sorry Charlie" or the equivalent!!

Jesus Christ people. I feel like I'm in the midst of a bad manner epidemic that is plaguing recruiters. What gives? Way to represent your company dipshit!

Grumble.

Outsourcing: The Key to a Top-Notch Birthday Party

After the traumatic events of last May when I decided to pull M's birthday party together from scratch (including, God help me, baking and decorating a cake)...I swore I would do things differently when it came time for Z's first birthday. And I have.

1) I am not baking a cake. No ma'am. Instead, I've ordered a cake from a local (admittedly overpriced but yummy) bakery. For those of you who are familiar with this place...I have decided to break out of the mold and order something other than the famed banana cake. Hopefully it's a decision I won't regret.
2) In spite of the fact that the birthday girl will be largely oblivious to all the hoo-ha, I will still have 12+ kids running around in dire need of entertainment. Enter Happily Ever Laughter, a relatively inexpensive (yet highly rated) group of young women who dress up as faeries, pirates, clowns, you name it, and perform puppet shows, magic shows, balloon twisting, face painting, sing-a-longs, games, and more.

Yes, I'm pleased to announce that for the first time in the past three years, I will actually be able to sit down and enjoy my child's birthday party. And I can hardly wait.

What's that, you say? The cost? Well, while it isn't exactly budget concious of me to outsource all my party needs...the truth is I spent close to the same amount for M's party even though I did most of the work myself. In the end, the cost of the cake and the entertainment for Z's party will more or less balance out the cost of the cake ingredients, special cake pan, decor kit, pinata, pinata toys, craft project items, etc for M's birthday. And best of all, I won't be on the verge of a nervous breakdown by the end of the day. Hurray!

September 11 is Patriot Day?! WTF?

Perhaps I have been living in a deep, dark cave for the past several years. Or I've been dwelling in the relatively open-minded, free-thinking bubble that is the Silicon Valley. Whatever the case, I only recently realized we are now supposed to refer to 9/11 as Patriot Day.

It all started earlier last week. I was on my way to pick M up from preschool and I happened to pass an elementary school with one of those digital, scrolling signs out front. Seeing as how I was at a red light, I idly watched as the messages flashed onto and disappeared from the screen. But one in particular caused me to sit up and take notice. It read, in all caps:

PATRIOT DAY ON 9/11/2009
BE SURE TO WEAR YOUR RED, WHITE, AND BLUE CLOTHES!

At first, I thought (hoped) the school team was the Patriots and maybe it just so happened that their school spirit day fell on the same day as 9/11. But then, as I passed more schools with similar signs over the next few days...it began to dawn on me that something more was going on. I finally asked someone and she looked at me a bit funny and responded, "Well, yeah. 9/11 has been Patriot Day for a while now."

So...
1) How did I miss this?
2) Is it me, or is it odd that schools are honoring/celebrating/whatever you want to call it this tragedy by having kids wear red, white, and blue clothes? Why not take it further and drape them in the American flag, for Christ's sake?
3) While I think it's totally appropriate to commemorate this sad day with solemn reflection and memorial services...I have issues with the fact that we appear to be turning it into an "us against them", proud to be American, Chevy/Ford truck commercial kind of day. It feels way too festive considering what happened on the real 9/11.

Maybe I'm missing the point. But in ways that I can't quite put my finger on...this whole Patriot Day thing bugs the fuck out of me.

Letting My Freak Flag Fly

Yes ladies (and gentleman, you know who you are) I have officially entered a new phase of existence. I can't really say what the hell is going on with me. Maybe it's because I'm unemployed.....or maybe it's because I am, for the forseeable future, done breeding (never say never my friends)...or perhaps I've decided to fully embrace the Age of Aquarius. Whatever it is, I currently find myself doing and thinking things that I never would have imagined just a few years ago.

Now before you start to worry about me, I promise:
a) I haven't joined a cult
b) I am not having a midlife crisis...at least, I don't think so
c) I do not believe in the healing power of crystals, tantric sex, or claim to be accompanied by a personal (albeit invisible) entourage of angels
d) I am still sharp of tongue and intolerable of assholes
e) I will not start weaving and dying my own clothes...nor will I wear Birkenstocks
f) I won't change my name to Shanti

I have, however:
a) Signed up for a free class on Introductory Meditation
b) Started attending (w/family in tow) services at a lovely "church" near our home that feels more like a meditation retreat/afternoon classical concert/spa than it probably should
c) Joined a holistic mom network and am attending my first meeting--on Environmental Health--on October 6
d) Subscribed to an incredibly fascinating and well-written/deep quarterly publication (read my first issue two nights ago....really interesting stuff)
e) Began seriously thinking about going back to school to pursue a degree in psychotherapy or psychology with an emphasis in Jungian archetypes

[brief pause to allow readers to collect themselves]

My sense is that I'm trying to focus on aspects of myself that have, until recently, been left out in the cold for many, many years. I mean, how many of us really take the time to connect with and explore ourselves and our lives in ways that we probably did at some point or another while in college? The last time I pondered the meaning of life or things of a vaguely spiritual nature was roughly 15 or so years ago. And that may or may not have been the result of an illegal substance.

I also suspect my kids have something to do with this change. Frankly, I blame M (when in doubt, blame the dog or the kids). The truth is, kids are frequently a catalyst for change in most families. They don't give a crap about timing or convenience or schedules. They simply have questions and they want answers. Why do we die? Where do we go afterwards? Who is God? Is Buddha like Santa Claus? Why is that sad man up there on that "T" (M upon seeing her first Jesus on the cross)? Why are you tired all the time? Why do I have to be nice to my sister? Are you sure there are no monsters outside our house?

I guess "How the hell should I know?!" isn't kosher. So I'm seeking other ways to respond to M's questions...with the help of some folks who, I suspect, have a lot more practice at this sort of thing. And let's face it...I believe if you're going to do something, then don't be half-assed about it. Jump in all the way and see where it gets you.

Or....

maybe I am simply having a midlife crisis. But I really don't feel like I'm in a crisis. I'm quite happy with my life as it is right now...and I'm not hankering after a huge change. Maybe it's just part of growing older....perhaps we naturally gravitate towards weightier topics as we age and as our focus draws slowly inwards. Or maybe I just need to go have a fling with a younger man....and buy a red convertible.

Suggestions?

Homeschooling, Unschooling, Parent-Participation Schools, Oh My!

In my ongoing quest to unravel the whole school thing I have taken a tumble down the rabbit hole into the world of "alternative" schooling.

It all started with an innocent chat with a friend a few weeks back. We were talking about money (or a lack thereof) and how the state budget cuts were likely weakening an already challenged California public school system. I told her what school I'd send my kids to if we won the lottery. She told me she and her husband have been going back and forth about potentially moving into a better school district. Towards the end of the chat, she mentioned she'd even been considering home schooling. We laughed and rolled our eyes and joked about donning pioneer-style gowns and living in multi-wife households. Later than night, our conversation replayed itself over and over in my head...to the extent that I could not sleep. That's how I ended up on the living room sofa at 2:00am researching homeschooling and other alternative school methods online.

Before I go any further, let me say this: in my mind, I have a happy image of my two children attending a local school (preferably one within walking distance) where they are learning all sorts of things in a fun, creative, and healthy environment. I envision young women and men teaching with boundless energy, tasty and nutritious school lunches provided, in part, by an organic school garden out back, and laughing kids of all races and creeds playing and growing together. Granted, when I reflect back on my own school experiences...I can't say they have a lot in common with this utopian fantasy. Sure, school could be fun and exciting. But more often than not, particularly from 5th grade on, it sucked. Big time. However the fact is, I went to school. My parents went to school. And I kind of want my kids to have the same experience as we did...at least on the surface, that is (I'd like to remove any of the bullying, bitchy teachers, and horrid cafeteria food that I experienced).

Which is why I'm sort of surprised to find myself looking into these alternative school methods. Because aside from the whole parent-participation thing, they do not resemble the school experience I had in any way, shape, or form.

First of all, some quick definitions.

Parent-participation schools are just that--schools where parents are heavily involved in the classroom. Most parent-participation schools require at least two hours of classroom time per week from each family. Some of these schools are public (free!) some are not (but are still cheaper than the norm). All of them give you a chance to stay tightly connected with your child(rens) education from the get-go.

Homeschooling is also self explanatory. Rather than send kids to a formal school, parents choose to keep kids at home where they teach with the help of all sorts of materials like virtual academies, field trips, tutors, community classes, etc. Some states do not allow homeschooling. Mine does. Proponents of homeschooling have lots of data points to back up the success of this education style....and almost always point out that until the last few hundred years, most children were educated at home.

Unschooling takes the whole homeschool thing a step further by not only keeping kids at home, but by not providing any sort of learning curriculum. Unschoolers believe kids learn best through life experiences...and they don't need much else.

Sooo. First of all, let me simply say that while the idea of unschooling sounds.....interesting....I can't really get behind it at all. All I can imagine is how frigging boring it would be to grow up in that sort of environment. But the other two definitely have some merit.

The parent-participation concept intrigues me. It kind of takes the whole "parent-school community involvement" to the next level and blurs the lines between school and home. I like the idea of being able to see, first hand, what my children are up to in the classroom. I also like the idea of being intimately involved with my children's teachers and the curriculum development. And I guess you'd never really have to worry about not knowing who your kids hung out with. But I also wonder what the schools do to ensure participating parents are adequately prepped and trained to interact with students during classroom time. Wouldn't the constant rotating door of parents create a lack of consistency when it comes to discipline, classroom management, etc.?

I'm also intrigued, but perhaps a little less so, by homeschooling. In theory, I can see how homeschool definitely works for some families..especially those who have children with developmental needs that go beyond what a normal school might be able to provide. And frankly, the whole "socialization" argument against homeschooling is a waste of energy...because there are myriad ways to ensure a child is getting adequately socialized with community classes, homeschooling networks, playgroups, field trips, summer camps, and more. My biggest issues with regards to homeschooling is that I, personally, am not sure I'd be up to the challenge. First of all, I suspect homeschooling only really works if one parent is not holding down a full-time job. Right now, that describes me to a T. But I have no idea how long this work hiatus will actually last. And what then? Secondly, I can barely manage through one day of dealing with both kids on my own. So I cannot imagine what it would be like to do that day in and day out only this time, I'd also be primarily responsible for their education on top of everything else. STRESSFUL. Lastly, I confess I'd feel guilty for depriving my children of that perennial American experience: going to school. Going to school doesn't just represent an educational choice for me...it also represents a cultural medium. It's a shared experience that draws kids (and adults) together. Think about it, what's the first thing grade-school and beyond kids ask of one another upon meeting? "What grade are you in?" and "What school do you go to?"

Anyway, I'm still processing all of this information and hoping that some form of inspiration drops into my lap from the heavens above (or that I win the lottery). In the mean time, what are your thoughts about alternative schooling?

The Healthcare Reform Shit Storm on Facebook

Today, my friend Philip posted a status update that many of you probably saw (or posted), if you logged in at some point today, or heard about via other friends. Hell, I even received a status update from President Obama (or his PR lackeys) commenting on how pleased he was to see this showing up all over Facebook:

No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.

Hard to disagree with that, right? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, healthcare is a basic human right...up there with education, shelter, and food. Well, little did I (or Philip, for that matter) realize the debate that would ensue as a result of this post. Yeah, I know the whole healthcare topic has been stirring up a variety of emotions and reactions. But I'd always assumed that the people who were opposed to it were a bunch of redneck whackos from BFE Arkansas. Because I couldn't imagine any of my friends or aquaintances taking issue with the idea that healthcare should be available to all people, everywhere.

Clearly I was wrong. It turns out some people are perfectly happy with the idea of making healthcare available to anyone who needs it....just so long as they don't have to lift a finger or make any changes to their lives in order for it to happen. Some people claim their main objection is a lack of trust in the government. They have doubts it will be able to get a monumental program like this off the ground and make it work. Others like to dredge up the dreaded "welfare queen" bogey...the idea that there are thousands of freeloaders out there who are waiting eagerly for the whole healthcare system to change so they can milk the fuck out of it and take advantage of all us hardworking souls.

Please people. Give it a rest. And stop and think for a moment. Do you honestly think you have more of a right to healthcare than the three-year old child of a single mom on welfare? Are you willing to refuse healthcare to said mother and child because a) she can't pay for it which means b) you (and everyone else) may have to help pick up the tab? And just because a task seems challenging and potentially filled with pitfalls, shouldn't we at least give it our very best shot to do what we can to make affordable healthcare available to everyone?

As I was in the middle of writing this, I received a troubling email from a fellow mom who subscribes to the same parenting forum as me. She is unemployed. Her husband has a job but barely makes enough (in fact, he does NOT make enough) to cover the cost of rent, bills, and food. Once insurance kicks in, an additional $400 will be deducted from his paycheck each month....$400 this family urgently needs to continue having a roof over their heads. Last month this gal sold her parents' wedding rings to help make ends meet. A few months prior, she sent out an email asking if anyone was willing to pay her for odd jobs so she could make enough money to feed her family that week. I happen to know she also recently had to undergo major surgery on her knee and is now a partially incapacitated stay-at-home mom of a five-month old.

Here we have a classic case of a family struggling to make ends meet. Who knows how this story will end and whether or not they will have to move into temporary housing until they get back on their feet. But wouldn't it be nice if the one thing they didn't have to worry about in the midst of all this is healthcare? How nice if that $400 per month didn't go to line the pockets of an insurance firm and instead, stayed put on a much needed paycheck.

Ugh. I just want people to stop freaking out and worrying so much about what could happen and focus on what should happen. Forget the goddamn government and the money and the complications and whatever BS the media and right-wing nutjobs like Sarah Palin can fixate on to distract us from the real issues at hand. Don't we, as human beings, have a moral obligation to help our fellow humans? Don't we?! Isn't there something really wrong with the fact that the U.S. ranked #29 (tied with Poland) on infant mortality rates? Or that the U.S. is the only industrialized nation that does not guarantee access to health care as a right of citizenship. We rank the 38th in the World Health Organizations in healthcare fairness and quality (only Slovenia is below us). I mean COME ON!!!!

All I'm saying is I hope we can finally get our shit together on this issue and make some positive changes that will benefit more than a handful of insurance company stockholders and CEOs.