(TBD), and then she gets to watch a brief movie of some sort before bed. This is all assuming, of course, that M's in a good mood by the time she comes home from daycare. You never know these days.So I wanted to give a shout out to my firstborn and, according to my parents and K, doppleganger. M is a study in contrasts...delicate looking yet liable to drop trou at any given moment and ask random passerbys to smell her bottom; not a huge fan of animals but definitely a fan of babies and small children; very, very affectionate as long as it's on HER terms (space invaders need not apply); easily distracted yet capable of honing in on a speck of dirt lying on the carpet in another room; sweet tempered except when she's not. M loves to be the focus of attention and will inevitably up the dramatics significantly if it'll turn heads. But she also loves to snuggle with me in the morning and, impressive for a three-year old, will lie quietly in bed so as not to wake her sister.
When M was born early on a rainy Friday morning, she was very tiny and thin. Towards the end of my pregnancy something had gone awry with the placenta and for about two to three weeks before her birth, M wasn't getting much nutrition to speak of. She looked like a scrawny little bird when she popped out...and I expected her to start squawking the moment they put her in my arms. Instead, she stared at me silently with her big gray eyes as if to say, "I know who you are. But do you know me?"
I remember how she used to lie on me in the early hours of the morning when it was still dark out. It was the only way she'd sleep for the first few months. I'd lie on my back and listen to her soft breathing. And waves of emotion would sweep over me--fatigue, anxiety, wonder, and awe. "I made you," I would think. "And you are mine." It was at that point that I could completely understand the primal protective urge of all mammalian mothers everywhere.
From the beginning, M has always had a special thing for K. That's fine by me. I read somewhere that a daughter's relationship with her father will inevitably impact (positively or negatively) any future relationships she has with men (or women as the case may be). But she and I share a physical closeness that only a mother can have with her little girl. I stroke her hair, she asks to brush mine. We hold hands, our thumbs unconciously caressing each other's palms. She places her cold feet on my belly or back when she snuggles with me in the morning. M is her own person but in a way I cannot possibly describe or put into words, she is also an extension of me. Although the physical cord was cut three years ago today, its spirit still lives on and continues to draw us into one another's orbit.
Happy birthday sweetpea! Here's to many, many, many more.
Love, Mommy
Thanks for sharing - just made me cry... my little one has very recently become too big to lay on my chest and sleep in those early morning hours but it is a time I will always cherish too :) BTW she looks just like you!
ReplyDeleteMy youngest stopped doing the chest sleeping thing a few months ago. I was sad but she is SO much more active than her sister ever was (or is) so my chest (in particular, my two sad excuses for boobs) are grateful.
ReplyDeleteThat was a very sweet post. Not fair, making me all teary-eyed this late at night. Happy Birthday, M!!
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