Drama at Daycare

I think one of the biggest challenges of being a parent is having to navigate the sometimes tricky waters of child/child relations. Especially when those children are very young and still developing basic social skills.

At the moment, M is having some issues with another kid at daycare. "Noah" is a sweetheart--loving and cheerful. He's also very social and because he's just a little guy, Noah hasn't yet developed the ability to read his audience. To put it bluntly, he tends to come on a bit strong and is generally oblivious to how this may impact those around him. But he's also a big softy and prone to taking things personally. I suspect when he grows up, Noah is going to be an extremely successful businessman...possibly in sales or marketing. But for now, he's the unwitting bane of M's existance.

It's unfortunate, really. I had high hopes that M would hit it off with Noah. When he started at daycare, M's current best bud had left for "big kid preschool" and she was feeling rather bereft. Enter Noah. And exit my dreams for a deep, abiding friendship between the two.

See, M is a particular little gal. She can be extremely sweet and loving. But she can also be incredibly complex and not a little contrary. M isn't the most physical kid on the planet. She likes hugs and kisses and being held...but only when it's on her terms. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why M gets frustrated with poor Noah when he rapidly moves in on her personal space the moment she shows up in the morning. He's like a little ball of energy and noise...clearly VERY excited to see his buddy and shortly after, VERY crushed when said pal doesn't respond to his overtures as he'd hoped. A typical arrival at daycare goes something like this.

M very excited to get out of car and walk to daycare facility. We arrive at door, she knocks, I ring doorbell. The lovely L opens the door to welcome us when suddenly, from behind her, emerges a chipper, cheerful whirlwind. Noah with a huge grin and arms open wide for the loving embrace he knows is sure to come: "Hi M!! Hi M!! Hi!"
The smile on M's face vanishes. She turns to me with a look of panic.
Noah moves in for the kill: "Hi M!!"
M, holding her arms in front of her in a "get thee back" gesture: "No! No! My NO like Noah!!! Go way!"
Noah, smile faltering, looks a bit uncertain, then lip wobbling, begins to cry as if his little heart is going to shatter into tiny pieces.
M begins to cry and demands to be held.
I spend the next five minutes trying to detach myself from her grip, calm her down, and help L to comfort a clearly distraught Noah.
Repeat above scene ad nauseum.

Last week, after one particularly harrowing drop-off, I spoke briefly with L to brainstorm ways we could nip this in the bud. During our chat, she mentioned M has not only done this when we've dropped her off but also sometimes when Noah's parents drop him off in the morning (when M is already there). I cringed inwardly at the thought of M making her opinions about little Noah known in the presence of his mom and dad. They must think we are the biggest a-holes.

When M and I returned home that night, I attempted to talk to her in very basic terms about how we don't hurt peoples' feelings, about how it felt to Noah when she pushed him away and said she didn't like him, and practiced things she might try instead (like smiling, saying "hi Noah!", and then walking to another room to put some space between them for a few minutes, etc). I thought it was going really well...M seemed to get into the whole role playing thing and appeared to understand my points. And then she looked at me very solemnly and said, "But mommy, my NO LIKE Noah!"

Ah yes. Now we reach the crux of the matter. How does one convince a young child to be friendly to a kid they don't particularly care for? At M's age, kids lack a social filter. They haven't a clue about faking it and they are incredibly, emotionally honest (ever seen a toddler throw a tantrum? Then you know exactly what I'm talking about). So I'm a bit uncertain how to go about the business of a) letting M know she doesn't have to like and be friends with everyone but b) she does need to be kind even to those she doesn't really care for however c) if someone is bothering her, she should feel empowered to take polite evasive action.

Suggestions welcome.