In which our heroine decides to plant a garden...

The economy is in the shitter (maybe you've heard?). Every day I read articles and hear news reports about how to save money, be more frugal, hunker down and sit out the storm. One piece of advice I hear over and over again is "grow your own food!". In this age of locavores, organic foods, and farmers markets...the idea of growing my own fruits and vegetables definitely has its appeal. There is something very tempting about the idea of feeding my family with food from our own garden a la Little House on the Prarie. In my mind's eye I see rows and rows of succulent, fragrant, and plump veggies and fruits of all shapes and sizes. And sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly delusional, I'll throw in a goat and a few chickens for good measure.

I can do this, I think. Yes I can!

So off to the garden store I go w/ M. I toss caution to the wind and begin grabbing any and all organic seedlings I can find. Basil? check. Parsely? check. Oregano? check. Tomatoes? check. Watermelon, blueberries, leeks, concord grapes, pumpkins? Check, check, check, check, check. As I wheel my cart o' plenty up to the register, I feel like a new woman. "I'm going to grow my own fruits and vegetables!" I tell the gal at the register. On my drive home we pass grocery store after grocery store. I look pityingly at all the poor schleps who still have to buy their food. I catch M's eye in the rearview mirror, "They don't know what they're missing." She nods in solemn agreement. When we get home, K's smile falters and then disappears when he sees the amount of plants I've purchased. "Ummm....how much did that cost?" I'm deeply offended. Can't he see I'm spending a little so we can ultimately save a lot?! I say, "K can't you see I'm spending a little so we can ultimately save a lot?!" M nods in agreement.

Fast forward 1.5 weeks. How does my garden grow, you ask? Did I mention that I only remember to water my houseplants when they are completely dessicated, wilted, and begging? Or that any available garden space in our yard has been taken over by our cat Oscar as his personal toilet? Aside from those trivial items, I'd say things are going swimmingly. Of course, I haven't yet bothered to actually plant our new additions. But this morning I took it upon myself to give them some water and they seemed extremely grateful. I have high hopes for the blueberry plant (bush? shrub?). Already there are several berries in the making and I have visions of pies, jams, and other summer treats dancing through my head. But I confess to having my doubts about the leeks. Right now they look like nothing more than lawn clippings. And as for the watermelons? Well, I'll let you judge for yourself:

Bitch, please.