Explaining the Cow to Meat Process to Children

"Mommy, how did the cow die?"

It all started with this simple question...one that began to arrive more and more frequently over the past few months in endless variations:

"....how did the chicken die?"
"....why did the fish have to die?"
"....what part of the pig is this?"
"....doesn't the baby cow miss it's mommy and daddy?"

At first I gave very simple, general responses:

"well, the farmer decided it was time and he took the cows to a place where they become meat."
"well, the fish died so we could eat it"
"well, this comes from the pig's back"
"well, I think the mommy and baby stay together until the baby is older"

But then she began to demand more specifics, more details....WHY do we have to eat the fish? Precisely HOW did the cow/chicken/pig/fish die? Does it hurt? Do the animals get sad?

So I began to think very carefully about my responses and also began to wonder if others had been down the same road and perhaps had some advice how to survive without a) giving a child nightmares or b) creating a mini-vegetarian. I began to search the internet for articles and books about this very topic...but all I could find were postings from a number of pro-vegetarian/vegan websites and blogs. Obviously this wouldn't do. Then I started sending queries out to a few parent lists, the Weston A. Price Foundation (WAPF), and Nourishing Our Children, a non-profit org set up by a local gal to educate families about food, the importance of a varied diet, and farm-to-table. Most folks I heard back from were eager to find out if I'd received any useful advice, because they were dealing with similar issues. After a week or two with no additional comments, I figured I'd exhausted that route and wondered what the hell to do. But then, I received an email from Sandrine Hahn, founder of the aforementioned Nourishing Our Children and head of the San Francisco WAPF.

Sandrine liked my questions and decided to send the query out to her list of contacts, and it was at this point that I hit the jackpot. I now have a few resources to fall back on next time the question comes up. You may or may not agree with all, but I am flattered these folks gave my question some serious thought and responded in kind.

The Waldorf Approach
I confess, my understanding of Waldorf is still limited. I've read a few books about Waldorf education and spoke to some parents (including my friend Tammy who is a Waldorf Kindergarten teacher Down Under). So I was very interested and intrigued in what this person had to say in her response to my query. I really liked her advice on what to say when presented with tough questions about food origins. But I'm on the fence about whether or not we should intellectualize with young kids...I think it's good to shield them from as much as we can while gradually providing them with the information they ask for. But I do not necessarily think it's wrong to provide facts when asked for them as long as they are at a level that the child can manage.

This is where I think the Waldorf approach to pedagogy is so helpful. She sounds like an inquisitive girl. For a 3 year old to be so intellectually curious she most likely has had some encouragement from her parents. This may be a good chance for them to see how it doesn't serve very young children to focus on an intellectual approach to learning about the world we are in. Not to say that I'm putting them down for that, our culture really encourages this but it truly does not serve the child. For children of that age the best way to answer questions is with a "story" or an image. And whenever they ask about something we, as adults, deem to be serious or scary or heavy we should always answer in a light, non-serious manner. "Mama, did the cow have to die for this meat?" (in a light, non-committed way) "why yes honey, he did, he lived a long happy life, grazing on grass and running through the fields with his friends". "Why did the cow have to die?" "Well,it was time for him to make a journey to where cows go when they die, it must be a lovely place where he can see his old friends". "how did the cow die?" or "did it hurt?" "I am sure the farmer did his job very well, he/she cares for his animals and makes sure everything is alright." "what happened to head, tail, etc?" (and this is a very useful tool when you don't know or just can't think of anything good) "hmmm, I wonder about that..." than telling them you don't know, because as a mother you are all-knowing in their eyes and it could worry them and also this is where you don't ask them what they think because that puts the pressure on them, something they don't. In general the rule of thumb is: don't intellectualize things with a child under the age of around 7.

The Lierre Keith Approach
Many of you may not have a clue who Ms. Keith is. But she's adding heaps of fuel to the already burning fire between hardcore vegetarians/vegans and meat eaters. In fact, this morning I heard Ms. Keith was attacked by some clearly pissed off vegans (no joke!) at a recent event in San Francisco last week. Lierre is an American lesbian, radical feminist who spent 20 years as a strict vegan. A vegan no more, her book, The Vegetarian Myth, is a concise and point-by-point refutation of every argument you've ever heard in favor of going veg (nutritional, moral, environmental, you name it) and she apparently spends a great deal of time discussing how we humans should handle the animal-to-meat process emotionally and intellectually while at the same time accepting it as necessary. I have not read the book but it's been on my Kindle for the past few weeks and is the next up on my list. I'm not sure how well I will be able to translate her thoughts into a conversation with my daughter but perhaps it will give me a place to start.

The Hard-Core Approach
I suspect the person who recommended this one intended it to be for me to read through and then figure out how best to share with M. I cannot imagine anyone would encourage a parent to share this in its entirety with a three-year old. Frankly, I had a tough time reading through this info...which I found troubling on so many levels because I LIKE EATING MEAT but I also really, really like and respect animals. Anyway, should you be at all ignorant of the process of how a cow makes it to your table via a small family farm with an excellent reputation, be sure to check out this blog post. And please note, while reading it and, if you make it that far, taking a peek at the pics (which do not include the actual killing)...keep in mind that this is how lucky farm animals get to make their exit. The alternative for factory farmed animals is simply brutal and horrific.

J's Favorite Approach
My last recommendation (as of today, more may come through) was from someone who doesn't have children but sure as heck seems like she should! It was by far the most thoughtful response I received. Ultimately, I think I will take this person's guidance and mix it up with the Waldorf gal's advice to keep my responses simple, not too detailed, but as factual as I kind while also ensuring M and Z know the meat they eat (indeed the food they eat) comes from the best places and gets treated with the respect it deserves. I also think it's probably a good idea to introduce some form of "grace" at the table prior to dinner...not for religious purposes but as a reminder to everyone that we have farmers and animals to thank for the food we eat.

These are great questions, ones I have thought of many times. While I don't have children (just animals), I was just such a sensitive soul who wanted to be a vegetarian from a young age, so I can relate. Eventually when I left home, I was vegetarian for awhile, with disastrous results. Now I keep goats, and I don't think I could eat them anymore than I could eat my cats or dogs, but I still eat the meat of animals I don't know personally. Anyway, I do think it's important for parents to face up to these questions. Here are some thoughts on the subject; just my opinion, but I do hope it's helpful.

When I was about 20 I went on a wilderness survival expedition in Southern Utah for a month. Among the participants were several Native Americans. One of the learning experiences on the expedition was the slaughtering of a sheep and making sausage from the meat, using the intestines for casing. We were required to participate in this exercise as a means, I suppose, of impressing upon us all how dependent we are upon other creatures for our sustenance. If I remember correctly (this is over half my lifetime ago so the details are fuzzy), one or more of the Native Americans performed the slaughter, and the whole experience was treated as a sacred ritual and was a very awe-inspiring and thoughtful experience for us all. That impressed upon me the attitude of gratitude for the animals. When our only connection to our food is the supermarket, we miss out on some deep understanding of the nature of life, I believe. To me, the values of respecting animals, respecting the ecosystem, not wasting food, etc., are all in harmony. How dare we treat animals as commodities and make them into silly marketing mascots for fake food or waste their flesh.

The recent Temple Grandin biopic on HBO (perhaps available on DVD by now) looked squarely at this issue as well. My favorite line, repeated twice in the movie, was the Temple character saying "Nature is cruel, but we don't have to be!" She further pointed out that cows are only here (in great numbers) because humans eat them, and that we owe them our respect and a humane life and death. The Joel Salatin/Polyface Farm section of The Omnivore's Dilemma makes similar points, if I remember correctly. I know Michael Pollan published a children's version of the book. I wonder whether that might have something useful?

The Vegetarian Myth of course has lots of relevant passages but they're too esoteric for a young child. I think it comes down to parents thinking through what exactly their values are, maybe writing it down to find phrasing they're comfortable with, and then having the courage of their convictions to express those thoughts to their children. (I'm sure it's easier said than done, but I grew up getting a lot of things transmitted to me through church that I though my parents really should have taught me directly themselves. Citing some outside authority is the easy way out. Parents have a natural place as the authority in the lives of their young children, IMO.)

I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting we are too squeamish as meat eaters to do our own harvesting of livestock. Few people can approach that level of self-sufficiency anymore; it's certainly not practical for most urbanites. (Although Novella Carpenter seriously challenges that idea in Farm City!) Some people say we shouldn't eat meat if we're not willing to kill it ourselves. I think that's a bit harsh, but there is a kernel of truth in there. (Again, this is all just my opinion, but...) It seems to me we are obliged, as Temple Grandin says, to respect the animals and their sacrifice for us. Yes I know that individual sheep and cows don't volunteer to die for us, but as a species, in evolutionary terms, they did "agree" in some sense to be domesticated -- fed and protected from wild predators -- in exchange for us determining when and how they should die. We also know from the work of Weston A. Price as well as subsequent evolutionary biologists and other researchers that eating animal products shaped our evolutionary history and helped make us human. Eating meat (or animal products in general, such as eggs and dairy) is not simply a preference on the order of preferring chocolate to vanilla, it answers deep, cell-level nutritional needs that have been part of our genetic heritage for eons. I think it's legitimate to give children a simplified version of this. At the same time they'll soon become aware, if they aren't already, that some of their friends don't eat meat and are something called "vegetarians." Perhaps that's a good time to introduce the idea that different people have different beliefs about what is right, and different traditions and cultural influences and we respect their right to choose differently from us.