Letting My Freak Flag Fly

Yes ladies (and gentleman, you know who you are) I have officially entered a new phase of existence. I can't really say what the hell is going on with me. Maybe it's because I'm unemployed.....or maybe it's because I am, for the forseeable future, done breeding (never say never my friends)...or perhaps I've decided to fully embrace the Age of Aquarius. Whatever it is, I currently find myself doing and thinking things that I never would have imagined just a few years ago.

Now before you start to worry about me, I promise:
a) I haven't joined a cult
b) I am not having a midlife crisis...at least, I don't think so
c) I do not believe in the healing power of crystals, tantric sex, or claim to be accompanied by a personal (albeit invisible) entourage of angels
d) I am still sharp of tongue and intolerable of assholes
e) I will not start weaving and dying my own clothes...nor will I wear Birkenstocks
f) I won't change my name to Shanti

I have, however:
a) Signed up for a free class on Introductory Meditation
b) Started attending (w/family in tow) services at a lovely "church" near our home that feels more like a meditation retreat/afternoon classical concert/spa than it probably should
c) Joined a holistic mom network and am attending my first meeting--on Environmental Health--on October 6
d) Subscribed to an incredibly fascinating and well-written/deep quarterly publication (read my first issue two nights ago....really interesting stuff)
e) Began seriously thinking about going back to school to pursue a degree in psychotherapy or psychology with an emphasis in Jungian archetypes

[brief pause to allow readers to collect themselves]

My sense is that I'm trying to focus on aspects of myself that have, until recently, been left out in the cold for many, many years. I mean, how many of us really take the time to connect with and explore ourselves and our lives in ways that we probably did at some point or another while in college? The last time I pondered the meaning of life or things of a vaguely spiritual nature was roughly 15 or so years ago. And that may or may not have been the result of an illegal substance.

I also suspect my kids have something to do with this change. Frankly, I blame M (when in doubt, blame the dog or the kids). The truth is, kids are frequently a catalyst for change in most families. They don't give a crap about timing or convenience or schedules. They simply have questions and they want answers. Why do we die? Where do we go afterwards? Who is God? Is Buddha like Santa Claus? Why is that sad man up there on that "T" (M upon seeing her first Jesus on the cross)? Why are you tired all the time? Why do I have to be nice to my sister? Are you sure there are no monsters outside our house?

I guess "How the hell should I know?!" isn't kosher. So I'm seeking other ways to respond to M's questions...with the help of some folks who, I suspect, have a lot more practice at this sort of thing. And let's face it...I believe if you're going to do something, then don't be half-assed about it. Jump in all the way and see where it gets you.

Or....

maybe I am simply having a midlife crisis. But I really don't feel like I'm in a crisis. I'm quite happy with my life as it is right now...and I'm not hankering after a huge change. Maybe it's just part of growing older....perhaps we naturally gravitate towards weightier topics as we age and as our focus draws slowly inwards. Or maybe I just need to go have a fling with a younger man....and buy a red convertible.

Suggestions?